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SOME BASIC INFORMATION REGARDING FUNERAL DIRECTORS AND FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS INCLUDING ARRANGING A HEADSTONE
FINDING A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
Most funerals are arranged through a funeral director (formerly known as an undertaker).
It is important to find a funeral director who belongs to one of the professional associations, such as the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) or the Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF), as these associations have codes of practice and complaints procedures.
Funeral directors and their staff will be sensitive to how you may be feeling and you will be paying for their help and guidance, so use them to the full and ask as many questions as you want. They are experts in all aspects of arranging a funeral and will guide you through the decisions to be made.
ARRANGING THE FUNERAL YOURSELF.
It is possible to arrange a funeral without the services of a funeral director, although most people find it easier to ask professionals to take care of all the practicalities on their behalf.
You may want to be involved in a particular aspect of the care of the deceased or funeral arrangements without having total responsibility. Talk to the funeral director about this as they will accommodate your wishes whenever practicably possible.
There are a number of practical issues that you might want to consider before deciding to arrange a funeral yourself.
PAYING THE FUNERAL BILL.
The person who arranges the funeral is responsible for paying the final bill and it is important to know where the money for the funeral will come from. The funeral director will understand if you are anxious about this and it will be helpful to you and the funeral director if you explain your concerns very early in your discussions with them.
The deceased may have taken out a pre-paid funeral plan, paying for their funeral in advance. It is important to check their personal papers to see if they had a plan and follow the instructions on it. If they did, this will usually cover the whole cost of the funeral.
Similarly, if the deceased had reserved or arranged payment for a plot in a cemetery it is important to give this information to the funeral director as soon as possible. Alternatively, the deceased may have had an insurance policy to cover funeral costs.
If there is no funeral plan, the cost of the funeral will normally be met out of any money left by the deceased and, where money has been left, the funeral bill should be paid before any other bills or debts.
Even if the bank account of the deceased has been frozen following the death it may be possible to have funds released from a bank, building society or national savings account on showing the death certificate and funeral invoice.
Sometimes relatives may need to borrow money until the money and property are sorted out and some funeral directors will allow payment to be delayed until this has happened. Many funeral directors will require a deposit before the funeral to at least cover the costs of the disbursements which they have to pay to third parties.
Funeral Costings:
The funeral can be divided into three main costs;
Materials, such as coffin or casket, clothing and memorials or headstones
Funeral director's fee, this will include making arrangements, hire of vehicles, liaison with third parties on documentation and management of the funeral
Disbursements paid to other organisations on your behalf, such as church or crematorium fees and obituary notices.
Ensure you obtain written details of all costings before proceeding. This will avoid additional or unexpected fees or expenses.
FORMS FOR A FUNERAL
An application form to purchase a new grave or to re-open an existing plot if the funeral is to be a burial. The existing Deeds will be normally be required.
If the Coroner is to hold an inquest there will be no green form and instead the Coroner will issue an Order for Burial (form 101). This is usually collected by the funeral director from the coroner's service on your behalf.
If a burial is being organised urgently for reasons of faith, it is sometimes possible to obtain a green form from the Registrar prior to full registration of the death. A Medical Certificate of Cause of Death should normally have been issued.
Arranging a Headstone.
If you are buying a headstone, most cemeteries will advise you to wait six months before fitting it. If is worth contacting a supplier as soon as possible to ensure a delays are avoided. Headstones suppliers will be able to advice you on the most suitable headstone. Remember you will need to consider the churchyard regulations.
What happens during a cremation?
Any form of ceremony can take place at the crematorium within the time allowed for each funeral, which is usually between 30 and 45 minutes. Alternatively, a service may take place in any separate building, such as a hotel, hall or place of worship, followed by a short ceremony (called a committal) at the crematorium. Or you could have the committal at the crematorium before a more public event following the crematorium ceremony.
The mourners will normally gather at the crematorium in the waiting room or close to the entrance of the chapel a few minutes before the appointed time of the funeral service.
When the main family members are ready, the coffin will be taken into the chapel by the funeral director's staff, unless family bearers are helping to carry the coffin. The coffin will be placed on a bier in the chapel and the ceremony will start.
Different crematoria have different arrangements for the moment in the ceremony when the coffin is traditionally removed from view. For example, in some curtains enclose the coffin, or the coffin slides through a door at the front of the chapel and in others it is lowered through the floor. It is possible for the coffin to remain in place until after mourners leave if this is what the family prefer. The committal usually takes place fairly near the end of the ceremony.
Usually the person leading the service will invite mourners to join the family for any refreshments that have been arranged and at the close of the ceremony the funeral director will indicate the door out of the chapel (usually different from where people came in). Any flowers are usually placed on display and there is a brief period where mourners can express their sympathy to the immediate family.
What happens during a burial?
If you have arranged a burial preceded by a ceremony in a religious building or cemetery chapel, then people will gather in the building first for the minister to lead the service. The coffin will then be taken to the churchyard or cemetery and everyone will follow and stand around the grave as the coffin is lowered.
The minister will say some appropriate words at this time and afterwards the family and mourners may throw some earth into the grave before they depart. In some cultures it is traditional for the family to fill the grave with earth - it is important that the funeral director knows and can inform the cemetery staff of this in advance.
Sometimes the whole service is conducted at a graveside and if this is the case, do consider whether any chairs are needed for elderly or disabled people who may find it difficult standing
What can be put on a Gravestone?
What may be put on a grave site depends upon both the Deed of Grant as related to the plot and the rules and regulations of cemetery in which the grave resides.
Generally it is only the person who is named on the Deed of Grant to a cemetery plot who can erect gravestones and other memorials and decide upon the inscription of these items, but there may be some situations in which others can become involved. If, for example, the Deed of Grant has expired and needs to be extended then it may be that a second individual can become involved and do this. Similarly, if the person named on the Deed of Grant dies then the Deed becomes a part of his or her estate or is given to his or her next of kin.
However, for individuals who want to become more involved in the grave and the fitting of a Gravestone without waiting for one of these events, then a transfer of Deed can be undertaken. This requires the person named on the Deed to agree to transfer the title, and requires that both the person named on the Deed and the person to whom the Deed is transferring must register the new information at the cemetery office.
In addition to having the right to erect a gravestone or other memorial via the Deed of Grant, what may be put on a grave site must also conform to the cemetery's rules and regulations. These guidelines may specify the size and/or shape of a gravestone, the type of materials which may be used, the number of items which may be erected and also cover smaller items such as permanent vases and plaques. These guidelines will also cover who has the right to erect or leave such items, so it is important to make sure that they are totally understood before any decisions are made regarding memorials.
If, after you check on both the Deed and the cemetery's regulations, you find that you will be unable to erect a gravestone as desired then you might consider another way of honouring your father. Planting a tree or flowers in his name, donating a bench in his name, erecting a plaque somewhere else in the cemetery or in another location may be possible ways by which his presence is acknowledged without requiring the Deed to his plot.
